Spring Break 2024: Jersey Shore

what is my deal with Hiraeth Hope & Healing anyway.

(Note: a departure from Road Trip planning, because usually I am preparing for my annual trip to the Jersey Shore right now! I promise, road trip logistics will be back to regular scheduled programming soon!)

There isn’t a lot to it, really. When I discover something great, I want to share that resource. No ulterior motives, no secret plan; the only benefit I get from recommending the things I love to everyone is the chance to build a stronger community. I recommend a lot of things: Pony Sweat Dance Aerobics, Square One Dining, primal screaming, Korean spas, my financial planners at Northwestern Mutual. Croissants. 

Spring 2023 Retreat. (How I feel about croissants, also.)

Hiraeth Hope & Healing came to me as a facebook post, simple and direct , “retreat for DNA surprises this April, Brigantine New Jersey.”  I took a screenshot so I would remember to come back to it later. 

When I had more time, I went back to facebook to learn about the retreat, but it was gone. I scrolled up, I scrolled down, I used the “search feature.” My screenshot! I zoomed in and jotted down a name at the bottom: Erin Cosentino. A few messages back and forth and my life was about to change: there was indeed a retreat (I hadn’t imagined it).The covid pandemic blessed me with extremely affordable flights; it felt like kismet. Under any other circumstances, I might assume that I could find something closer. But no. This was the first group of its kind, and as far as I could tell, the only group of its kind. Apparently, there is more to New Jersey than the Sopranos and reality television. Who knew. 

“Hiraeth” is a Welsh word for which there is no direct English translation. It means, roughly, a deep longing for something, especially one’s home, which can never be revisited. Who among us in the adoption and DNA-discovery community doesn’t feel a resonance with that concept? Is there a better word for that quiet hum we can’t describe?

The folks at HH & H are the most unassuming retreat hosts I’ve ever met. It seemed there was something for everyone, regardless of their needs or comfort levels. There was pizza and chocolate. There is herbal tea, there is peanut butter whiskey. There were quiet corners to have one-on-one conversations, and there was a raucous group in the kitchen when laughter was the best medicine. There was enough tissue for everyone. The curated process groups, facilitated by professionals, offered myriad ways to transform shocking DNA results and existential identity crises into growing experiences. 

Some time between that retreat and the next one, Erin and Cindy McQuay asked if I would like to participate as a facilitator. It is a dream gig; I have the honor of combining my DNA-discovery with my training as a therapist with my experience as a writer? Yes. 

I feel no greater joy than when I get to share healing processes with my people.

I can’t help it; I return again and again. Each time, I learn something as a facilitator and as a NPE. Each time, I let down my guard a little bit more and allow myself to relax in a room full of people from paths of life I’d otherwise never cross. The Hiraeth Hope & Healing retreats have grown and evolved. As a nonprofit organization, their resource offerings include zoom “hangouts,” book clubs, search angel services, my writing process group, and always there is laughter to be found, and kind listeners, and warm hugs, and people who understand this strange new world of DNA surprises. They offer scholarships for those in need. I love them as an organization, and more importantly, I love them as my friends. 

And that’s why I tell everyone about Hiraeth Hope & Healing. I link them wherever possible, including in my podcast show notes and instagram posts. It is not something they have asked me to do, ever. I believe this is what friends do for one another. If you don’t know from personal experience, trust me: a DNA-discovery is cripplingly isolating. There is nothing to google. Most people have never fathomed this twist in their identity or family story which often comes with raw betrayal and shattered faith. It is exciting to know a place where they can start, so of course I want to shout it from the rooftops! I tell injured people where the nearest hospital is, I find clients the best therapists for their specific needs, and if a car is out of gas, I direct the driver to the nearest gas station. Don’t you? (Seriously, don’t you?) 

Before posting, I touched base with HH & H, and there are still some spots available for their Spring Retreat, April 18th- April 22nd. Please consider going!

I can’t go this year, because ROAD TRIP, but I’m headed to their Fall offering in Michigan. I do not know where Michigan is but I have six months to figure it out. I would love to see some fresh faces there. No matter where you are on your journey, new or seasoned, I hope you’ll consider joining me. 

-Eve, March 2024

Thanks for following along and believing in the road trip. As promised, this substack is divided into two experiences. Beyond the paywall below, subscribers will find my deeper process writing, based on Who Even Am I Anymore, which I hope will become the foundation of a book by the end of this project. If you’re interested in my writing process group, hosted Thursdays with Hiraeth Hope & Healing, visit this link here.

If you are looking for a way to support my mission, please consider subscribing, or sharing this with someone you know.

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Saturday Shenanigans

(Who defines what is “deeper process writing” anyway?)

What happens at Hiraeth Hope & Healing Retreats stays at HH & H Retreats. Unless it is when I am asked to share my most embarrassing moment.

They say you’re only as sick as your secrets, so I share that moment with you now, (if you are a paid subscriber.)